Rambling is defined by Webster as:

·      passing from one topic to another

·      using or containing more words than necessary to express an idea

Reality is defined by Webster as:

·      the quality or state of being real

·      a real event, entity, or state of affairs

·      totality of real things and events

·      something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily

-Isms are just my own colloquialisms .

I cannot stress just how crazy this week was, but I can tell you the order was: Late Nights, WTF Facebook Follows, Unexpected, Gratefulness and Failure. It was not in that order but shit it might as well be…

#Fuckyducky

The Failure Part

I am not sure how to say this, but I do feel like a failure. I also found myself slipping into self-destructive mood. 

I am not able to raise the money needed to get my business visa to set up the business. I tried so hard, but just not fast or hard enough. I should be doing better than this, I am not moving fast enough. I am a tortoise on a path with cheetahs passing me by.

(Lane Posters)

The Gratefulness Part 

Getting someone to recommend me to do a PSA that got me some dead presidents in my wallet? Our interaction was just once at mixer for people with no capital trying to do business in Korea. Well it is true, first impressions matter.

I am beyond grateful
 

My local barrister celebrated his birthday, but saved a cake for me. I was surprised and touched, I mean it is his birthday not “our birthday”.  Despite not speaking English and my no existent Korean, he is always kind to me. I have never walked into this café without them beating me to say 안녕하세요! (Hello, Annyong). I always make sure to say (Goodnight Guys, Thanks for Everything).

I am grateful for consideration from new friends and warm smiles.

Remember last Friday, I was not sure about rent. I was able to secure funds for rent.
I am beyond grateful

I ate fresh food for two days….
MY SOUL MADE OF FRUITS, VEGGIES AND APPLECIDER VINEGAR IS GRATEFUL.

Getting my portraits emailed to me by a gentleman that has photographed four Korean Presidents. I was so beyond humbled and grateful. Tiny me compared to giants.

Grateful Tortoise among Cheetahs
 

My childhood mate donating to my gofundme page. She stays in Los Angeles, I am grateful for 2 cents. That place is so expensive, I think it is because they just want people to run into traffic. Anytime we are asked, how long have you known each other? We just start laughing uncontrollably. We always tell people, we have kicked it from the womb… you cannot go back than that!

I AM GRATEFUL

The Unexpected Part

Did I mention my childhood friend from L.A donating?

I was told something unexpected, I was told that as a child “You were so bubbly and happy”. It was unexpected because to be honest this person meant well. I know their heart meant well. I was few seconds from breaking down. It means that I have practiced the art of pretending the pain from a very seriously fucked up first 10 years of life to an art. In my darkest moments, I receive the most compliments. I often think everyone must see I am cracking but Nah… “Fatimaah you are amazing, how did you……”

I am grateful because it means that even as a kid, I was just fighting you know??

 

Uncle Bob once said …. (You may not mention Mr. Dylan)

The Jollof Empire

My Jellof Rice friend that seems to insist that I am going to be fine because shit, his Wolof and he said so!!!   I love Wolof people you hear me? I mean my love is outside of the Jellof rice. I swear it is, they come close to my Zulu people that I love today, tomorrow, yesterday, and forever..

Greatful to Jollof Rice and Origins

Speaking of a Jamaican

I am sure my soul and uncle Bob’s people are forever intertwined. I do not know how this works in my life, however I know this to be true as love.

I have never had a difficult chapter in life without Jamaicans and neighboring islands as my safety net. I really believe that the struggles of blackness in America was not so hard on me because Uncle Bob and Family have always been there for me. I saw that African-Americans from the States would get punches, but those guys just came in no matter the space (North America, Europe, or Asia), like

They took some of those hits of leftover colonialism for me and so my tears became laughs that made my belly hurt. The Jamaican brother, I met that schooled me on other options with this business.

Uncle Bob did tell me to be a Buffalo Soldier

Grateful for Uncle Bob, his children and neighbors. 

THE WTF FACEBOOK FOLLOWER

I was told time was a great healer this week after I expressed my shock state of seeing this name on my laptop screen.

Time might be a great healer for you! The other person might still see you and think, BULLSHIT!
Nothing Personal….
 

I was in a state of shock because our last interaction was just BAD. I mean all versions of terrible.

This was a “friend” to my maternal family, and her interactions with everyone has always followed with the words “crazy, madness and my personal best I just don’t understand” ….

The younger me would have sent a message like:

I think people  can be so rude you know? You must always tell others to have a great day.

I did not send such a message. I imagined just how strange/brave/everything that says this shit is not comfortable it must have been for her to click that button. I wish her well, peace and great moments of joy in life.

…..STILL WTF FACEBOOK FOLLOWER, I  AM GRATEFUL  

   ... I AM THE FOLLOWING LIFE BELOW       

I am/must be graceful as the giraffe 

Diplomatic as the Elephant

Deadly as the Blue Octopus, I learned and still am learning this stage of me. 

LATE NIGHTS & COFFEE
 

Until next Friday Ramblings, Cheers to the bloody weekend!