.....LEAVING SOUTH KOREA
“Me: I feel like a $%^#n looser
Daniel: No, No, No, U are not a looser!! You not a $%^#n looser!!.
We worry as people because we want to accomplish SHIT!
You got options!!
You never give yourself credit
Me: Yeah sure”
I must leave my flat in February and if I do not have a place to stay... #Toughshit. I am still processing this piece and I am a range of every emotion.
WHAT I AM EXPECTED TO SAY
SHAREESE SAID
Shareeseeee, as I refer to her is the best thing that happened to me at my old job. She is beyond wise and is from Maryland!!! I stayed in Maryland for three years as a teenager.
I called Shareese and told her, I have no idea on the next move. She tells me with this voice of authority, WHAT IS THE PLAN?? She has stressed throughout this journey, giving up is not an option.
In my last job, we made up the “I don’t want to hear problems but solutions team”. She is a brilliant Applied Public Health Professional that I can see move waves in the CDC.
I confide to her that I am feeling quite $#c*& up but I am grateful though. We have very frank conversations about very raw painful realities and truths yet it always ends with “I am grateful, I am lucky though because…”
She says sternly....
The year is over, and it is not February. Your landlord is giving you all the way till February, you are getting help. I tell her yes, I am grateful…Why you worried she asked?
I swear this chic has balls. I am in SOUTH KOREA, MY COMPANY IS NOT PICKING UP, I AM NOT AWARE OF MY LEFT OR RIGHT…SHE SAYS….
“Okay still, why you worried? What is the plan?” …
I shared with her the strangeness that seems to follow me in Kimchi Land. Girls look at me up, down, sideways and this thing of rolling their eyes to the top of their head.
What do I wear? An African print & some western top. I wear blue tennis shoes, most of the time no makeup, my face is always shiny, and I smell like Frankincense and Myrrh. I have a shiny face because I use a coffee oil mix.
Who gets threatened by that I ask her loudly? I tell her the many ways I can make oatmeal and I do not have money. I tell her, I am completely raw and no pretending here. I will tell you with no pretending
“I %$!k#d up here
They had me %$!k#d there
….And the beat goes on…”
I am considered a threat and apparently, I am pretty. My primary and secondary education was german and religious. I cannot stress just how words like "pretty or beautiful" did not exisit. In fact it was insulting to be just "pretty" or just "beautiful". I also never heard such adjectives from my legal guardians growing up, so it is just kind of a strange adjective to use around me. I mean you kind of aimed for “You are quite brilliant with your studies". or You are rather stupid, just like that!
She says, "Your presence, you are beautiful and smart. As soon as you walk in, you command the room but you know who you are and that is a threat”.
I think, I am just a giraffe, elephant, and octopus... WHO HAS A COMPLEX OVER THAT?
I told her the marriage life is looking nice from here. She says, “We married folk looking at you like…That’s really great, you living your best life…” Shareese is married but has a life. I know that sentence is simple and short but I honestly do not know anyone married with her attitude and sense of awareness.
We also share similar childhoods (nothing great about that) but we told ourselves, we will not be Neffee. Everyone with our past is just one step away from this and I do mean just a step.
I am grateful for her, OMG SHE GOT ME A STARBUCKS CARD and her Netflix account. In the words of Dru Hill some young men from Baltimore, Maryland
PHD???
This is also on the table and will require a move to the E.U. I will see.....
See you next Friday Ramblings.