Friday Ramblings: The One About.. The Invisible Client, The Frozen Pipe, School Choices, and Uncle I need help?

                  The Invisible Client

What can I say about the Invisible Client? A presentation was given on behalf ESE & SEGYE and I was told no convincing was needed because                                                                              “We want to work with your company, you don’t need to convince us”.
I have received calls and text messages with assurances that the client wants to work with ESE & SEGYE but there were some abrupt changes in management. What can I say, when management is leadership in government? This meeting pending will dictate if I have to call my uncle below like a looser…

                                       

                                           The Frozen Pipe

It was very cold this week, like it was 3-5 degrees and my pipes were completely frozen. No water to wash or make tea because everything was frozen. I found myself having a moment with my phobias. I must have used every profane word and swore to God in every language currently stored in my brain.

My phobia for dirt and OMG…..Do not judge me, the first decade of my life was in missionary school that was topped with attending a German school. You are beaten to cleanliness and dirt or filth just makes me want to screammmmmmmmmmm.

CRYING

I found myself wanting to cry AND cry. My father told me a longtime ago, I cried more than any of his kids as a child. Oh those words  became so true...
I do not cry and stop like normal regular people. It is long and gross, and I have things in my nose and no one can understand me. Yet, I will be asked 1 million times, “Fatimaah, why are you crying?”. Or I have a mate of mine that says, “Fati are you crying?” … No mate, I am bloody laughing, just why can you not see the joy in my face.

CRYING

I am particular about my space because of survival, fear and some people just lack hygiene. This is not about my anal views to hygiene, some people even if washed in bleach, would still come back gross.  The explanation below is why I have trust issues.

I open the shower door and there is a tray with utensils and clean plates. She washes her dishes in the same place that she showers and does the number one and two. What in the complete (Fill in the blanks). I sprayed Rose Water on my body (Antibacterial properties) and then Coconut Oil (Antibacterial)…  

That was every version of nasty and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I cried just a little, my friend from the states just started laughing on the phone hysterically. My father told me, at the very least, I never ate from her house.

I laughed hard and my friend asks, “But for real, you okay?” We are quiet because we both knew the backdrop to that question is heavy, but we start laughing again. My pipes were fixed later that day.

I am grateful for a friend that knows just why I have such phobias and for laughter. All parts of travel are not romantic, and SHIT happens.

So because of the weather and stress my inflamed joints made the week uncomfortable. My short leg, I would like to start saying my “Special leg”. My special leg that was deprived of length was not so much hurting, it was just throbbing. Oh and my left arm was hurting and in the morning, I woke up and scared me. It was like the cracking sounds sounded really bad, like damn I need to wake up slowly.
To be honest, I have not had ginger and turmeric for the last three weeks. This is also why I am in discomfort as well, but I could barely type. It was a bit frustrating and hard but I have to persevere.

School Choices

Europe
1. The Graduate Institute of International and Development Studies (Switzerland)
2. American Graduate School in Paris (France)
3. Central University (Hungary) My father has some strong reservations about this school for the same reason I am interested. Just google, you can figure out why. All that aside, AMAZING IR program

UK
1. Nottingham University
2. Goldsmiths-University of London
3. University of Aberdeen (Scotland)
4. Durham University
5. Queen University Belfast (Ireland

Uncle I need help...

My uncle is a man of little words, he is military and well this was the advice he gave me as a teenager. 

  "Masses of crowds are masses of asses"

See a man of little words and while I am sure I can ask him for help... My uncle's presence is like this scene ......

BUT I AM HERE IN MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT

I have 14 days to pick up and tell him I have the phobia below and I need help.

See you next Friday Rambling

Friday Ramblings: The One About Leaving Korea, Shareese Said and PhD?

.....LEAVING SOUTH KOREA

“Me: I feel like a $%^#n looser
Daniel: No, No, No, U are not a looser!! You not a $%^#n looser!!.
We worry as people because we want to accomplish SHIT!
You got options!!
You never give yourself credit
Me: Yeah sure”

— Met Daniel in 2008

I must leave my flat in February and if I do not have a place to stay... #Toughshit. I am still processing this piece and I am a range of every emotion. 

WHAT I AM EXPECTED TO SAY

SHAREESE SAID

Shareeseeee, as I refer to her is the best thing that happened to me at my old job. She is beyond wise and is from Maryland!!! I stayed in Maryland for three years as a teenager.

I called Shareese and told her, I have no idea on the next move. She tells me with this voice of authority, WHAT IS THE PLAN?? She has stressed throughout this journey, giving up is not an option. 

In my last job, we made up the “I don’t want to hear problems but solutions team”. She is a brilliant Applied Public Health Professional that I can see move waves in the CDC.

I confide to her that I am feeling quite $#c*& up but I am grateful though. We have very frank conversations about very raw painful realities and truths yet it always ends with “I am grateful, I am lucky though because…”

She says sternly....

The year is over, and it is not February. Your landlord is giving you all the way till February, you are getting help. I tell her yes, I am grateful…Why you worried she asked?

I swear this chic has balls. I am in SOUTH KOREA, MY COMPANY IS NOT PICKING UP, I AM NOT AWARE OF MY LEFT OR RIGHT…SHE SAYS….

“Okay still, why you worried? What is the plan?” …

I shared with her the strangeness that seems to follow me in Kimchi Land. Girls look at me up, down, sideways and this thing of rolling their eyes to the top of their head.

What do I wear? An African print & some western top. I wear blue tennis shoes, most of the time no makeup, my face is always shiny, and I smell like Frankincense and Myrrh. I have a shiny face because I use a coffee oil mix.  

Who gets threatened by that I ask her loudly? I tell her the many ways I can make oatmeal and I do not have money. I tell her, I am completely raw and no pretending here. I will tell you with no pretending

“I %$!k#d up here
They had me %$!k#d there
….And the beat goes on…”

— Unfliter truths

I am considered a threat and apparently, I am pretty. My primary and secondary education was german and religious. I cannot stress just how words like "pretty or beautiful" did not exisit. In fact it was insulting to be just "pretty" or just "beautiful". I also never heard such adjectives from my legal guardians growing up, so it is just kind of a strange adjective to use around me. I mean you kind of aimed for  “You are quite brilliant with your studies".  or You are rather stupid, just like that! 

She says, "Your presence, you are beautiful and smart. As soon as you walk in, you command the room but you know who you are and that is a threat”. 

I think, I am just a giraffe, elephant, and octopus... WHO HAS A COMPLEX OVER THAT?

I told her the marriage life is looking nice from here. She says, “We married folk looking at you like…That’s really great, you living your best life…” Shareese is married but has a life. I know that sentence is simple and short but I honestly do not know anyone married with her attitude and sense of awareness.

We also share similar childhoods (nothing great about that) but we told ourselves, we will not be Neffee. Everyone with our past is just one step away from this and I do mean just a step.

I am grateful for her, OMG SHE GOT ME A STARBUCKS CARD and her Netflix account. In the words of Dru Hill some young men from Baltimore, Maryland

PHD???

This is also on the table and will require a move to the E.U. I will see.....

See you next Friday Ramblings.

Friday Ramblings: The One About Lost Love, Birthday & Elephants and Maybe Leaving South Korea....

Rambling is defined by Webster as:

·      passing from one topic to another

·      using or containing more words than necessary to express an idea

Reality is defined by Webster as:

·      the quality or state of being real

·      a real event, entity, or state of affairs

·      totality of real things and events

·      something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily

-Isms are just my own colloquialisms .

The One About Lost Love

“This part of the blog is about raw truths.”

— Water & Cassava: Friday Ramblings

Few months ago, I got in touch with my childhood love because of my extended Cameroonian family. We lost touch and life happens! Oh, If I only knew just how well life was about to happen for me. I was so happy to hear from him, OMG did I mention that he is based in Asia? 

“Well after talking, chatting, and chatting and more talking........”

Facebook

“I strongly believe that the creation of Facebook includes crushing your dreams and heart with a thumps up to boot! ”

He posts “I am getting married”.  I was all versions of floored. Look, I can take a punch or two because I dish out a few. However, I was all versions of floored. So, what did I do?

I $%^&* Adulted, yes Adulted. 

“A moment that requires you to Adult. Everyone born after white Micheal Jackson struggles with this. ”

— Adulted

I wrote, Omg congratulations!! Now if you know me personally, you would have read that as “#$$$%%^@@#!” …. I am not even going to say that I must have read that Facebook post 50 times in the cafe, nope.  

Wait, Can I share the Kick-you-in-the-crotch spit-on-your-neck fantastic part? I am sorry, you have never heard the term, Kick-you-in-the-crotch spit-on-your-neck?

Oh #$%^&* lucky you.

Rachel can explain it better than me...

Ross gets back home from China with his new girlfriend. Rachel is not pleased with that news. 

He got married a day before my birthday.....

Q in Robyn

You know it is a complicated hurt and it is weird and strange for a host of reasons. He is a moment in my life that I was not going through some form of trauma or exploitation. 
I was/am/WHO CARES/I DO… just felt down about it. I should also point out here, I feel very abnormal about marriage. Shit, while we are at it, I think monogamy is strange. 

BUT

My birth parents are divorced, and I am brave enough to say that holds (some) weight into why that word just bothers me. 

During my teen years, I hung out with 8 kids that only 7 came from two parent households.

Throughout undergrad, everyone I hung out with after class for extra studies…DIVORCE

My grandparents on both sides are divorced

My maternal uncles are all divorced

My paternal side all divorced….

Oh wait, myself and 6 of my 7 close high school mates also ended up getting divorces before 25. 

SO WHY THE HELL WAS I SINGING

I mean it is him. I was very much infatuated with him as a kid but getting in touch and finding out, what man he grew to be and will be...... Anyway, I dealt with this as I always deal with the bullshit of life. 

Coffee

             Chocolate,

              and Ice-cream (YES, THE FROZEN COW SNUT! OH, IT IS BAD ON THIS LEVEL).

It is bad when I go for ice-cream. On the faithful night that it was confirmed, Agent Orange would be the commander in chief of the United States, I ate Ice-Cream. It is not important to know just how much, just that I ate ice-cream. My father called like he already knew, he even asked if I ate Ice-Cream and asked, "Are you okay?”

“...WHO IS OKAY WITH AN OOMPA LOOMPA??? WHO, OMG AN OMMPA LOOMPA IS IN CHARGE OF MY BLUE PASSPORT?
”

 I am for diversity and equality, but I will not accept orange people. I do not drink but after the Facebook post, I consumed Chocolate, Coffee, and Ice-Cream together. I say no to fermented potato juice because it is bad for your liver. However, I say yes to Diabetes, who needs two legs? 

With all that sadness, I found out he ate the swine. I think I cried a bit more because on top of all of it, he ate the SWINE.  I just cannot DEAL with that piece. I have tried to process the pork eating FOLK, but I am sorry, I say no like people who refuse to go to rehab....

Amy tell these folks...

Get AMY OST now: http://po.st/AMYOST3 Listen back to 'Frank', 'Back To Black', and 'Lioness: Hidden Treasures', the Amy Winehouse albums, now: http://po.st/AmyWSpotify Get Amy Winehouse At The BBC: http://po.st/gZgwDm | Amazon http://po.st/4awZ14 The estate of Amy Winehouse is donating the record royalties it receives from the sale of this box set to the Amy Winehouse Foundation.

I am also a sneeze away from mammal eating folk. I am often asked, “OMG, WHO CAN YOU DATE?”.
I have never had a problem with pork and dating. It is simple you can eat pork, you just cannot date me. See no problem at all?
Honestly 99.9999% of people I interact with, let alone “date” do not eat pork and try to avoid meat, smoking, alcohol. 

Oh well such is life!

BUT HERE IS SOME ROXETTE TO REALLY LET YOU KNOW…IT HURTS…

Music video by Roxette performing It Must Have Been Love.

BIRTHDAYS & ELEPHANTS

I am in Thailand to research on eating bugs and why not celebrate my day of birth with my elephants.

Keeka & Lisu will serve authentic cuisine from the continent and this includes insects as well. I wanted to see how they prepare their bugs and insects. I have to say grasshoppers, crickets and silkworms will be the most delicious insects to serve. They are clean, high in protein and green friendly. I am hoping as a company we contribute to the Entomophagy economy of Africa.

“Human eating insects as food. ”

— Entomophagy

On my earth strong, I served my elephants. The logo of the company is an elephant because it symbolizes diplomacy. Why don’t you know this? The Romans, Colonialism and the B.S. I played in mud, cooked, clean and swam in the lake with the elephants.

I am not sure how that is possible because I do not swim. I see large bodies of water and I swear to you my ancestors from the Atlantic Ocean and those that were pushed into the Atlantic Ocean start telling me

 

“  My daughter you will drown”

Imagine my surprise, I was swimming on top of the elephant. Then again, my maternal roots claim, we are elephants and mermaids as well. The caretakers kept saying, the elephants really like you. Elephants are majestic, loving, calm and adorable. They are vegetarians, they spend 4 hours sleeping and the rest eating and playing in water or mud.

However for self- defense, make no mistake, they will stomp you to death. I should add that this is a great metaphor for me.

Anyway, I remember my last birthday just saying over and over, I will start this company. I will go to South Korea because after all…

“ I am always Graceful as the Giraffe, Diplomatic as the Elephant, and Deadly as an Octopus.”

— Behind Water & Cassava

.... BACK TO THE BUSINESS...THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

LEAVING SOUTH KOREA??

“Get this , Get this, I get this, I get this
Get this, Get this, I get this, I get this”

— I am ready to Blow

Playlist Best of DAWN https://goo.gl/Xxs7TV Subscribe for updates https://goo.gl/v4P2gF From the critically acclaimed album, Blackheart: http://smarturl.it/DRBH Music video for Blow performed by DAWN. Site: http://dawnrichard.net/ Twitter: http://twitter.com/DawnRichard Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DawnRichard Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/dawn_richard Instagram: http://instagram.com/dawnrichard Tumblr: http://dawnrichard.tumblr.com Director - Monty Marsh Producer - Monty Marsh Cinematographer & Editor - Cody Cuellar Production - Guerilla Filmworx Choreographer - Anthony "AJ" Jackson Copyright (C) 2014 Our Dawn Publishing .

Okay so wow!! So much has happened, and I am not sure on the terms “good” or “bad”, but here is what you missed so far.

I attended the Global Women’s Forum in Busan. I met the woman responsible for why Seoul even got the opportunity to host the Olympics in the first place. I mean you speak of power and influence, it was in this room. I was put in a five-star hotel to encourage young ladies to go for their dreams and peruse their interest with vigor. I was shocked that I was considered. I mean a five-star hotel to work in, to go ask for driving directions but to stay in one??? The breakfast was so good. I stuffed my bag with 10 tangerines and that was dinner.

---

the hits just keep coming...

February 22nd, I must find a new place because my lease is up! I need a place to stay if I am going to stay in Seoul.  I do not see that happening because I have no funds. This is a startup by just one person. While I can see that things are moving in some ways, I also feel that I am quite behind in many ways.

Okay, let us recap

First two events, I am a guest.

Third, I am a guest speaker. My hotel is paid for and I am offered a kitchen for my gastro series by the organizer. I can only pursue this project, if I have a place to stay.

Fourth event-My transportation, food and hotel are paid for.

Maybe, my fifth will be a contract? I have not yet secured a contract for ESE & SEGYE.

I have to set up a calendar for next year and this must include: ESE & SEGYE, WATER & CASSAVA, KEEKA & LISU AND THE COCOYAMS &

I need to make money quickly. I have no money and dreams do not feed you as much as they starve you. I am pretty sure I wear a U.S size 1 / 2 … I came in to Seoul a 2/4.

I also need to buckle down on my position as Chair of Public Health, Policy & Administration with Bright Light Projects this includes a trip to Sierra Leone.

PLAN A
I stay in Korea, live on rice and go through visa travels and stay in a hostel.

PLAN B (MOVE TO THE U.S)
I am not sure just how to even deal with moving back to the states. I mean, I need a car and OMGGG

1.       Move to Alaska, but job openings??? Pay??

2.       Texas- I go back to working for Health & Human Services and I am not sure that is even an option.

3.       New York- I do not need a car, I could crash with Mara-Mara but job searches in NYC?

4.       California-Public Transportation exist, I could stay with Aunt Yvette or Bernice?? The job market is not easy in California, I mean it is worse than the other mentioned states.

PLAN C
I move back to the E.U. take more school loans for my PhD. I think England or Netherlands?

PLAN D

“Go to Saudi Arabia and look for one of those princes and tell them I will be wife number 4. I will have to tell Hazim and Jameel I just cannot be number 4. #Alhamdulillah”

I am still grateful no matter how this blows though. I will submit and like Buddah. I will go through my transformation with tears and take my welt as I did as a kid. I am still here though. 

See you next Friday Ramblings, Let us hope I can pay rent as well :(

Friday Ramblings- The One About Uncertainty

Rambling is defined by Webster as:

·      passing from one topic to another

·      using or containing more words than necessary to express an idea

Reality is defined by Webster as:

·      the quality or state of being real

·      a real event, entity, or state of affairs

·      totality of real things and events

·      something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily

-Isms are just my own colloquialisms .

What did you miss so far?

On the Stage

Introducing the Audience to: African Gastrodiplomacy and Soft Power

In many ways that I say “YESSSSSSSSSSSSS”....I feel so unaccomplished like NADA. I arrived here the last week of April and this makes me 6 months old in the city of Seoul. I am like a 6-month-old unable to communicate verbally, I still do not speak Korean. Yet with a strange WTF form of assimilation, I understand the following Korean:

Coffee Shop Korean
Grocery Store Korean
Cab Driver Korean

I would not know how to tell you how I got here. I HONESTLY do not know. I think not knowing but understanding that I have nothing to fall towards drives me and honestly scares me to pieces. I was told that I looked so good, few days back and I thought to myself

“I AM NOT TO SURE HOW YOU SAY THAT, I AM BARELY SURVIVING HERE. I DO NOT NETWORK QUICK AND FAST ENOUGH. I CAN’T HANG OUT BECAUSE WELL I HAVE NO MONEY. ALL I HAVE ARE MY DREAMS.… DREAMS DO NOT PAY RENT”

— Person behind Water & Cassava

THE CASE OF $%^K BOYS....

I have dealt with so called men that are made not of heart, drive and soul but of misogyny and chauvinism. I was told by a #$%* boy that I should get married and have children. My husband would take care of me and I guess my degrees and professional background would just collect dust. However, after trying to oppress me, he wanted me to hear about the oppression “his people” are currently facing. 

He shared why I could not make in Korea in this order:-

I am not married to a Korean
I do not have a Korean boyfriend

“I DID NOT LEAVE THIS GREAT LAND”

— So I was born in Texas...

“OR THIS LAND THAT BIRTH THIS BLUE BOOK”

— Made of Corn Bread, Blue Corn and Beans

For a penis
 

“What does it say about the value of a woman in your society, if just their p&#$ is of value. I hope you did not think that was a bit harsh.. After all this guy here said.....”

— Water & Cassava

Anyway…..

The Better Together 2017 Event

I really cannot stress how moved I felt that I was invited. I spoke about Africa soft power within the context of Gastrodiplomacy. I was put in a hotel room!!!! How could this be?? ME????? I met some good people like set your soul on fire good. I have one more event coming up and I will be done for this year. I will post that on ESE & SEGYE this Sunday.

I get scared so many times because again, I left a job for uncertainty …..I really believe this could work, I mean really work you know?

The Korea Peninsula & Me

What can I say?. Honestly, I am more scared of Washington, D.C than the major players over here. I feel safer here than I do in the states, I know that makes no sense to someone not over here or invested in Asian affairs. I love Asia like people hold on to the idea that Jesus was not a colored man killed while unarmed. I am on a roll so just keep reading…

Beauty & Uncertainty

I am not to sure why some men think complimenting my or any woman’s aesthetics is the way to go. It makes me want to punch someone in the face…. I am not impressed by your aesthetics, I never asked you to be pleased or even compliment mine.  I do not say, “Oh you are so handsome and tall”. I am here for business, I do not care if you are handsome or tall.
 

Okay, I compliment tall people, everywhere I go. This is because I am tall, and I am awesome. I am 5ft 11inches and I feel my fellow tall people should see each other and acknowledge our height. I am also aware that there is a chance, I have a reverse napoleon complex. I just personally always saw myself as a giraffe. I was always complimented as a child on just how my neck was like a giraffe. I wanted to grow up just like giraffe!

While people might think giraffes are gentle giants, which they are so gentle and beautiful. Please understand a giraffe will kill you or any mammal with one kick. I grew up in Africa, what in the hell did you want me to be? Barbie????

Survival & Uncertainty

I do not know how I eat, pay rent and just live. Ahh to be fair, I really live on coffee and a bagel. I love Coffee, I do not understand the logic of people that believe Coffee can not be food. 

High in antioxidants and just makes the whole world better!

I am so scared of failure and just everything in between and sideways of my journey right now. I believe in #cassavadiplomacy with my heart and soul and I just know this could work!!

Shit I need to figure out rent and…….

See you next Friday Ramblings…..

Friday Ramblings, Realities and -Isms- The one about Restlessness

Rambling is defined by Webster as:

• passing from one topic to another

• using or containing more words than necessary to express an idea

Reality is defined by Webster as:

• the quality or state of being real

• a real event, entity, or state of affairs

• totality of real things and events

• something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily

-Isms are just my own colloquialisms .

This week was in this order:
Shit
Shit
Damn
Damn
Stress
Meetings
Shit
Shit
Meetings
Conference
Reading
Researching
Shit
Exhausted

The start up was chosen by the Africa Lab to attend their 1st Asian Africanist Camp a two day camp event. They fed me, yup pescatarian food! I learned a lot and I was impressed and moved by the interest in Africa! 95% of the room were polyglots. The conference was two hours away from my apartment, so on the bus I just crashed going and coming back. I won second place for our short oral presentation competition. 

Beautiful Pen

Our gear 

I had a meeting from 2am-3:somethinga.m by an individual that I can see will be part of this entrepreneur path. I was encouraged tremendously.

Exhausted ….

I feel defeated and sometimes I feel so behind the curve. There is this feeling of grind, grind, grind and nothing is happening. My dream is to fight for a narrative about Africa but I might just tell everyone I am going to Jupiter. It is the dream and drive to change this narrative that keeps me going, but I feel so defeated at times. It feels like this restless battle of fighting and fighting. 

Me everyday ...

The drinking culture here is breathtaking and Ijust don't know If I can take anyone seriously that finds courage in fermented grains.

I wish so bad that this can happen, I know it can work. I can cry just been so close to my dream and nothing. I am trying so hard and it shows physically as I am a size 0/1. I was a 2/4 arriving the last week of April.
 

“Man shall not leave on bread alone? But shall thrive on coffee. My diet has consisted of coffee, coffee, coffee and water. If I am lucky 1 hot meal.”

— The one about Restlessness

Agent Orange and My Dreams

Despite the outside perception, I really wish to be on this side on the planet. I get restless at times worried that I might wake up and just like that: No Kimchi Land, No Sushi Land and Goodbye Alaska. I am beyond unease that Agent Orange has yet to speak on Africa and some of the leaders not understanding he doesn't have the patience they are spoiled too. 

What am I doing with the stress?
I am afraid nothing really!! I mean I try to meditate but I have to literally go and go. This is my dream and I don’t know how not to feel every feeling that I am feeling about my company. I don't half, ass, I never half ass. 

I know my relevance to the universe is no more or less than the particles that make up my Planet Jupiter. However from the water,  I am the Giraffe, I am the Elephant and the hand. My legacy and dynasty from the past to the present will not be forgotten. I will offer the silk road Cassava Diplomacy!